Diary 2

 Hello Barabus


I’ll keep this apology brief, I understand that you don’t want to have anything to do with me and that’s fine, yeah, however please hear me out.


Look, I’m sorry about constantly mistreating you, abusing you with my words, and occasionally refusing your help in the bad past. I’m sorry that I directed all my anger towards you. I know I should have done that, but most of what I said could never be repaired. It was all my fault, I was completely all in the wrong all the time. 


Maybe I’m just a fool, thinking you’d keep caring about keeping this friendship of ours intact and I, (me personally), never noticed that our friendship was hanging on a thin thread, and my ego severely got in my way, blinding my vision to not allow myself to just listen to you and to tell you that I want nothing to do with the objective. Oh I know, I should have just said I do not want to do this and just straight up quit it. 


There’s also a perchance that I don’t understand myself as much as I don’t understand what you are saying. which I’m really sorry for not recognizing my own worth just as much as yours, B. 


When I said refusing to ask for your help and many others too, much to my dismay, I’m actually scared of asking for help. I know you want me to do better to understand the game, and I need to ask for help at every possible chance, but I have trouble doing just that. I’m scared people will judge me for asking for help, and that’s why I’ve been avoiding it and want to do my own thing. 


I’m sorry I’ve been pushing your help when it comes to  the game, away by constantly being changing the subject on you. I know, I needed the help deeply. 

I just…

I feel like a constant burden, an inconvenience to you, whenever I even ask you for help, which you would think is silly and I know I need to stop thinking this way. 


To you, to Yun, to Scqba, to everyone, where I have been argumentative with. 


It's alright, if you don’t want to affiliate with me ever again, I know I’ve frustrated you with my own behaviour enough. 

I can’t be trusted yet.

I can’t even trust myself. 

I’ll take a break from farming on saoif, I’ll only be on it for fishing or gog, I’ll get an mentorship program offline to help me find and sustain a job, and anyone else, you name it. 


Your Friend 

Jordan


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